Rocky Raccoon

This is exactly what it sounds like ♦ a collection of randomness that doesn't really have anywhere else to go. Hopefully, you'll find something remotely interesting in here.

One teeny, tiny, microscopic note... as far as I know, none of the stuff on here is copyrighted. Seeing as both the llama song and "My Llama Will Go On" are on YouTube and there is no credit to an original author of the song like there is for, say, the Weird Al videos on there, I'm assuming they were just made up and placed on the Internet for fun. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Thank you and have a nice day. 

This should be a wikiHow article, but it's against the deletion policy, unfortunately.

   1. Capture a butterfly.
   2. Feed it beans.
   3. Put a very sensitive seismograph under it.
   4. Wait

Or, an alternative would be to purchase a "bug listener" (I saw one in a catalog... it said you could use it to "listen to the sounds bugs make"), capture a butterfly, and listen for farting noises. You could also keep a butterfly in a cage with a microphone and speakers attached, with the speakers turned up real loud so you can hear the fart. If you have any other ideas, post them in the forums.

"The South... where you can make "cow" into a seven syllable word." ♦ IRC user who probably doesn't want to be named (Note: Me and my friends tried this during lunch. I think everyone thought we had lost it...)

"Why do they call it barrel racing if the barrel never moves an inch?" ♦ Rocky

Rcenet sutdy sowehd taht olny 25% of poelpe can raed tihs. All you hvae to do is tkae the frsit and lsat lteter of a wrod and the raest can be ttolaly mxeid up in the wrod. The sduty siad taht the hmaun biran dnesot raed the wolhe wrod, but olny prat of it.

"I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL!!!! NO NO YOU CAN'T MAKE ME HELP ME! wow.... thats a big needle.... OW!"

"You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you wouldn't pick your friend's nose" (I think this is a default for a certain client, but I'm not sure)

"Why do I even use AOL?"

"Though I die, La Resistance lives on"

"*Poof*" (My awesome message! Yay!)

"*Poot*" (This one guy's lousy rip-off of my quit message)

"The pineapples are taking me away!!!"

"Read error 100 (Connection reset by fake error)"

"If a tree falls in a forest and nobody's around to hear it, does anybody give a shit?"

"I was raided by the FBI and all I got to keep was this lousy quit message!"

"Error: 28793 (Connection closed by crazed user)"

"We're gonna party like it's 1699" (Amish paradise! Yay! ♦ Go to the video gallery and look for "Amish Paradise" in the Weird Al channel)

"Dance...dance with the mystic yellow hamsters. They shall rescue you."

"Mr. Algebra the Cow has numbers instead of spots all over his tiny body."

*<[]:{>  ← Santa!

(>")> ^( ” )^ <("<) <("<) (>")> (>")> ^( ” )^  ← Dancing Kirby

(|] ← Hamburger

    Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, North of MCAS Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand-held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour.  The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and turned off. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had, in fact, locked onto a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise near the location. Back at the CHP Headquarters the patrol captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander. Back came a reply: Thank you for the message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately, the Marine pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar was destroyed.

    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving in a car. The blonde is driving, and speeding, so a police car starts following them. They pull over by a barn, and each hide in a barrel. The police officer comes out, and kicks the first one, with the brunette. "Meow," she says, so the policeman says "Oh, it's just a cat." He kicks the second one, with the redhead. "Arf! Arf!" The policeman says, "Oh, it's just a dog." Then he goes to the third one, with the blonde in it. He kicks it, and the blonde says "potatoes".         (Note: Not all blondes are that stupid. I'm not, I know. I is smrt.)


A man is standing at the doorway to Heaven. He is looking around, and sees millions and millions of clocks. An angel shows up to take him into Heaven. The man asks the angel "What are all the clocks for?". She answers "Every person who has ever lived has a clock. The minute hand moves forward every time the person lies. Abraham Lincoln's clock has only moved twice. Mother Teresa's has not moved at all." The man thinks about this for a minute, then suddenly asks "Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?". The angel replies "In Jesus's office. He uses it as a ceiling fan."

Q: What happenened when a ship carrying purple paint collided with a ship carrying red paint?
A: Both crews were marooned.

1. Say "Ta tete est chauvre" (pronounced "Two Taet Et Shauvr"), which means "your head is bald" in French. Do a slight roll on the last syllable for a better accent. Or, if you want to be at least sort of respectful, say "Votre tete est chauvre" instead.
2. Laugh and walk away.

I offer no guarantees on the accuracy of the French... I have gotten information from several different people, and they all tell me it's wrong. I do not speak French, so I have no way of knowing. I can speak Pig Latin, though. :D 

May add more ways soon... bald people are fun to annoy! Feel free to post ideas on the forums.

(Parody of "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic. No, I didn't write this. I can't sing it that well either.)

Every night in my dreams
I see llamas, I feel llamas,
That is how I know llamas go on

Far across the meadows
And fields between us
You have come to show you spit on

Near, far, wherever llamas are
I believe that the llamas go on

Once more you open the gate
And you're here in my shed
And my llama will go on and on

Fleas can touch just one time
And last for a week
And never let go ‘till they're dead

Llama was when I llamaed you
One true time I brushed you
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever llamas are
I believe that the llama goes on

Once more you open the gate
And you're here in my field
And my llama will go on and on

You're shear, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my llama will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my herd
And my llama will go on and on

Search for the video on YouTube! (I can actually sing this one really well... which is why so many Girl Scout troops know me as "Llama Girl")

Here's a llama
There's a llama
And another little llama
Fuzzy llama
Funny llama
Llama llama
Duck!

Llama llama
Cheesecake!
Llama
Tablet, brick, potato!
Llama
Llama llama
Mushroom!
Llama
Llama llama
Duck!

I was once a treehouse,
I lived in a cake!
But I never saw the way,
the orange slayed the rake!
I was only three years dead,
but it told a tale!
And now listen, little child,
to the safety rail!

Did you ever see a llama?
Kiss a llama
On the llama
Llama's llama
Tastes of llama
Llama llama
Duck!

Half a llama
Twice the llama
Not a llama
Farmer!
Llama
Llama in a car
Alarm a llama
Llama
Duck!

Is that how it's told now?
Is it all so old?
Is it made of lemon juice?
Doorknob, ankle, cold!
Now my song is getting thin,
I've run out of luck!
Time for me to retire now,
and become a duck!

Here's a llama
There's a llama
And another little llama
Fuzzy llama
Funny llama
Llama llama
Duck!

Llama llama
Cheesecake!
Llama
Tablet, brick, potato!
Llama
Llama llama
Mushroom!
Llama
Llama llama
Duck!

I was once a treehouse,
I lived in a cake!
But I never saw the way,
the orange slayed the rake!
I was only three years dead,
but it told a tale!
And now listen, little child,
to the safety rail!

Did you ever see a llama?
Kiss a llama
On the llama
Llama's llama
Tastes of llama
Llama llama...

Duck!

This was written by an IRC user (who shall remain nameless), from back when I used "Horses4Ever" as my primary nick. I think it implies that I have anger management issues and I use my op powers too much, but oh well.

Oh say can you laugh
By Horses' green blob
Why we so proudly ran
At Horses' cool trademark :P
And then Horses gets mad
Then she strangles the air
Gave proof to us all
That people are woohoo
Oh say does that Horses make us laugh
With her jokes about me
O'er the land of wikiHow
And the home of laughter

10% of an average pillow's weight is provided by dust mites.

There is enough potential energy in a cup full of empty space to boil away all of Earth's oceans.

At their closest point, the Russian and U.S. borders are less than two miles apart.

40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.

In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice-cream in your back pocket.

There are 53 Lego bricks manufactured for each person in the world.

In an average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of three times around the world.

More than ten people a year are killed by vending machines. 8 by what is in them.

The average child will eat 1,500 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by the he/she graduates from high school.